I just woke up, it’s like what 3:42 PM..? Nicceeee. I dont sleep at night now my sister is being annoying and knocking on the window so the dogs will bark I dont know what the day has ahead of me, now sabrina is bitching how she wants her computer, well I need to go shower and what not,I will right you onceagain in the next few hours. Farwell tumblr<3
(1 year ago)Well tumblrr I am back again, I just decided I wanted my goal post to be atleast 100, I am oing to start posting more and more photos everyday, Woah wait what? Lol I ment just posting in general, The reason I didint go back and like fix it because I’m onna write well no, I’m onna type just as I would talk, idk makes the post seem longer I guess, anyways. back to the point I always feel like I write negitive, well at this point I dont have really anything positive to say, because everything is negitive…? Idk. But anyways where to start, okay I woke up todaya nd actually went to school FML still like a living hell there, I went threw school just sitting there and rotting, I came home and had the guts to et off my bus stop today, I was so proud of myself<3 Then the snowbanks are still fucking as big as a black guys dick. So I couldnt get the mail and I was hoping my cute nose rings I orderd would be there, so I walked in the house ans sat down, watch all my youtube subscriptions then I heard my dads voicee….? Lool so I went in the kitchen and he was just complaining away.After I hugged him goodbye I sat on the couch and fell asleep, (later got kicked off and went to sleep in my moms bed,) i woke up from a wierd dream that like my dog gothit my a car? And it was wicked gory so I was like ”Oh great. That pretty much proves I’m fucking fucked in the head.” so I went downstairs just kinda talked with my sisters bf, then lik eyeah it was a super exctiting day? NOT. I walked downstairs like 20 minutes ago and they were having sex, I was like oh, okay Im going to the bathroom then I’ll be on my way then yeah thats all that happend literally word for word this is such I pointless update, and whomever is reading this, Im sorry for boring you but I’m just trying to reach my 100 post. LOL well i think you can like upload videos to tumblr? If I ever \kill myself I’ll make a goodbye video to whoever I send my link to my tumblr too so If youre reading this and I’m dead just continue to look for that well I must get some sleep, I’ll write back in a few hours. Goodnight tumblr<3
(1 year ago)
Self harm is a silent addiction.
(1 year ago)Okay well I’m just gonna start off by saying this is gonna be a LONG update so bear with me here, Have you ever felt that everyone around you hated you? People dont want you being around them? Well this became reality alot of things are got out of hand, rumors are being spread to a point where a large part og my grade doesnt want me in the school, i get harassed daily, on facebook, and I get questioned by everyone in school, It’s a living hell I feel the best thing to do was to go to a new school with a fresh start, But no, My parents tell me to bare threw the rest of the year, Do you know how frusterating it is to hate yourself and know there are people around you who hate you too? I want to die. Literally I have nowhere else to go, My bestfriend is mad at me, the one person who I would always stick by me, I tried choking myself today afterschool in the girls bathroom with my scarf, Soeone came in and i quickly took it off my neck and left, later on my mom still saw there was a red mark all around my neck and asked me what happend and I simply told her I had no idea, I’m staying home tomorrow because the last 2 ddays in school have been a living hell, I feel like nobody will truly understand me ever, I dont know how long I’m going to last this year but at this rate, Not very long at all. I’ve decided to start writing on my tumblr everyday once a day and if something happens, I’ll give the link to my best friend, only because I trust him the most and he deserves the place in my heart where he is now, Ive been sober from cutting for about a month now, I cheated at one point because My mom, she always complains on how bad her life is and she doesnt see how bad that hurts be inside, who know where life will take me? It can get better or worse, I hanging on a string because I have the littles bit of hope left, But I know Im strong. And I KNOW I’m going to try my hardest to fight threw this, I need to get to sleep, I will right back when I wake up, Goodnight tumblr<3
(1 year ago)Yeah I have alot to update but Once I get my Macbook Pro I’ll do a tumblr everydayy, but for now, Im sleeepy, Goodnight tumblr<3
(1 year ago)Well at this point I’m tired of drama, I love tumblr more then anything only because its like my diary, I just found out my best-friend EVER has a new best friend, that hurt me more then words can say, I know that we’re still wicked close but it’s like I was so happy knowing someone like him had a best-friend like me, He was there for me threw thick and thin and I felt like the luckiest person in the world knowing I was STILL his best-friend even when i put him threw hell, but now it’s all different, i secretly knew it was coming and it was gonna happen sooner or later, but why now? I am ALMOST recovered from cutting and depression and I was almost on my way to being happy, now hes gone. That hurts more than anything, he was the reason i woke up and got out of bed in the morning, and hes also, even if this sounds so dramatic and untrue he IS the reason I’m still alive, We became friends after I got out of the mental hospital and since then hes mad me happier then I have since I was extremely young and my parents weren’t fighting, and I didn’t loose my house, and before my mom got cancer before everything was rough. I cant even remember when i was happy before I met him and when he told me I was his bestfriend I felt unstoppable it was like, wow someone REALLY does care for me so much and loves me and they’re able to call me they’re best friend, now my other friend told me I’m one of his close friends but he has alot of best friend, Suddenly I want to cut more then ever, I want to die more then i ever did before and this may be the last tumblr I ever right again, who knows? I already been searching easy way to kill yourself and I already figured what I want too do, but the only thing that is holding me back is I keep wondering where I’ll go, I don’t wanna screw up and make a bad decision taking your life is one of the biggest mistake in your life or it’s either the greatest thing you could do for yourself, I decided I will live tomorrow talk to my best friend and see if everything is true, if it is I’m done and I’m gone I will give him a link to my tumblr and that will be the end of it, and I will probably write him and inbox on face-book and say my last goodbyes, and tumblr, I will write you one last time before I leave, I’m sick of pain, I’m sick of looking in the mirror and crying because I hate what i see I am tired of fighting, just about and hour ago my sister said I should go kill myself because nobody would miss me and it would make my family happier, I will probably keep writing today, I already crossed some things off my bucket list, one I wanted to change my piercings at least one, which I did i changed my cartilage, two I want to have sex before I die, and i wanted my first kiss but I got it, and it was the most amazing times in my life, but I just need to cross that one last thing off, I have a boyfriend and I’m seeing him on Sunday, so I can cross that off maybe if I’m up to it, I really don’t want to because since I was assaulted, i don’t like doing ANYTHING with guys, it reminds me of what that little prick did to me. Another reason im sad, I feel like if I’m a loser if I DONT do anything with a guy, and my best friend (he’s gay) tells me when he does stuff and I just get extremely upset when he tells me, he thinks that it’s because i don’t him being gay, I honestly love the fact he is and I couldn’t be more proud he had the guts to come out to me, but I cant tell him the reason I get upset because I’m scared if I tell him something negative hes gonna get annoyed and leave me, But who knows, I only got this tumblr so I could talk to you, tumblr, if it turns out he got a new best friend, then you’re all I have left because my other friend that knows more about me then Evan ever will, I screamed at her until she cried because she talked shit about Evan, now shes gone too, but I’ll write you back soon because my and Evan are scoping at 6 and I’ll talk to you then.
(1 year ago)I talked to my friend today at gym, She said she didnt know what happend to her arm and that she might of hit it against the table, I’ll talk to the guidence tomorrow
(1 year ago)Some call it crazy
Some say it’s sick
But I think it’s freedom
The pain is fierce but quick
Some say that it’s a sin
Just a little to risqué
But it helps release the pain
That I go through every day
The blade is sharp and cold
As it runs across my skin
Leaving me to ponder
And decide how deep I cut in
The icy chill running down my spine
Makes me feel at ease
I no longer feel like a coward
Fucking up on everything with every breath I breathe
But some days I want to stop
Feeling like everything’s wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes I can but not for long
It’s like I’m addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refuge in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained
Burned into my skin forever
Becoming a part that I cannot escape
Sometimes I just want to hurt all over
To scream at the top of my lungs until they break
I want to escape from my sadness
It’s taking over me
Why can’t I just rest
Why won’t it let me be
I just want to be free
Woke up STILL feeling deppresed. Is this ever going to end? I hope My mom will let me stay home tomorrow.
(1 year ago)Well today was just swell. I got in trouble in office help because a teacher was upset that I didnt eneter her room the right way…? My sister left last night. I pierced my bellly button in the school bathroom and couldnt get the jewlery it!(OUCH!!!!!!) then I got in trouble for “skipping class” and It’s been a hard day, I swear I’m SO glad I started this blog because it’s the one thing I look forward to at the end of the day now that my diary is gone, Oh get this my best friend told on me and I had to rip up my dairy Then my friend told me she has a tumblr, I decided to check it out and later found out it’s a website where i can Blog. Lol I’m spending more time on this then my twitter but I’m always on Facebook. I swear I’m addicted, I had someone tell me the other day that they’ve never seen me off Facebook. I’m cheering up as I write this, I might change the title…? Fuck it I’m gunna leave it:) The one thing I cant wait for is about 2 or 3 years from now, if I still have a tumblr, I wanna look back to the beggninng and hopefully will be able to laugh at the things that made me cry, Not sure if I’m going to school tomorrow I prent the whole day crying. But I dont care if I do or no what ever, Well until next time tumblrr! (AKA tomorrow lol!) Maybe I wont feel so sad and confused or alone the next time I write :/
P.S. y friend had a HUGE gash down her arm and i heard she was crying yesturday in homeroom, I’m worried, I asked her if she was okay in the hall today she didn’t awnser me, I have gym with her tomorrow so I’ll talk to her then
